I'm busy

It's incredible coming back to this blog I made so long ago, reading my last entry, and seeing how much has changed in whatever period of time it's been. One time it was a year. This time, a mere 3 months has gone by and I'm amazed. Yes, post- grad life is still fine. It's other "1st world problems" that have come up to haunt me.

Being a Social Adult:
Is not easy. And now I understand why parents don't really have friends. I'm 22 and I'm realizing that. Fuck. I'm not the most sociable person. Everyone I come in contact on a weekly basis would highly disagree with that statement, but I know myself better than anyone. I'm naturally a loner. Not something I'm ashamed of. It just gets lonely time to time when I'm alone at home and then realize the people I used to hang with all the time are not particularly on my priority list of people to "hit up" when this happens. Why? What's happening? Am I over them? How did that happen? I'm busy.

I'm busy.

And when most of your week revolves around work, other things get pushed to the side, including friendships. And this is all inclusive. Fresh friendships and old friendships, they begin to deteriorate slowly but surely.

I get it now mom and dad.

Forget friendships, what about my non-existent love life? My last post I mentioned, "juggling boys". I don't even remember there being a time where I was juggling boys. Maybe talking to more than 2 at a time, but that didn't mean I was going farther than that. At this point, I am so aware and self-concious about the fact that I haven't been in a relationship, that maybe it's fear holding me back. My siblings call this, being picky.

I'm picky and I'm awkward.

And I probably always will be. I'm the worst at keeping in touch with people, even my family. I'm closed off for some reason. I can get into some really deep talks though. You have to have my full trust for me to go deep with you. And I enjoy talking about deep life things. It's my favorite when I'm high. All the sudden I become Ghandi and have all these life revelations on why things are this way and that way. I'm not high now. In fact I'm glad I'm not because earlier today there was a cockroach in my room and if I were high, I'd probably be imagining them all over my bed...like I am now. I'm itchy all of the sudden.

So there is it. My biggest life issue at the moment is that I'm anti-social, I'm terrible at keeping in contact with my family, I want more friends, and I want a boyfriend, preferably one that could cook. I also haven't written much in so long. The incredible thing about that, is that I haven't lost the urge to write. To want to write is different than writing, but the want is very different from not wanting. I'm glad I can still say I want to write.

Until next time

xx